I was slapped yesterday morning on a quick road trip up to Louisville. I was just putting up the interstate, listening to a 12-part lecture series on C.S. Lewis. Now, I expected to be enlightened, entertained, and perhaps floored by this collection; after all, few people take Lewis lightly. The slap, however, was unexpected. It was either cosmic or divine, or perhaps a momentary spiritual manifestation of self-awareness, clarity, and the need to define, redefine, and center. In any case, it's still on my mind (and now will be on yours. tag.).
"Who am I" -- Zoolander
I have forever been a seeker. Anyone who knows me understands that for many years I have sought God, the Truth, and how those two interact, intertwine, and interrupt the human experience. More than a hobby, it has been a lifestyle, continually thinking, reading, asking, listening, questioning, being, understanding, non-, believing, non-, etc. I wrap it all up in a simple self-label: "I am a seeker of the Truth". (*side note* in rereading this post, that statement is not sitting with me very well; it somehow comes across as grandiose and self-important. I mean it neither way; I am no knight, destined for a quest that none else understands. It is likely that every one of you reading this post are "seekers of the Truth"; however, self-defining is necessarily self-pointing and -centered. Please take it the least self-aggrandizing way possible. Since I have rudely interrupted myself, here is the statement again for continuity's sake: "I am a seeker of the Truth" *second side note* Ugh. It still doesn't sit well with me. How about this: "I have always thought of myself as a seeker of the Truth" or "I always try to seek the Truth"? Ugh. Nevermind.) However, the geography (for lack of a better term) of that statement has been called into question...and here comes the slap...
Am I a "seeker of the Truth" or am I a "Seeker of the Truth"? The devil is always in the details, and in this case the details lie in the capitalization. Am I a "seeker" or a "Seeker"?
In other words, is the act of seeking the means to the greater Truth end, or is the act of seeking concurrently and actually the means and the end? Am I divinely viewed as a seeker after the Truth, or just a Seeker comfortable in his seeking, defined by his seeking, forever-engaged in the act of seeking?
There are hunters who hunt for food, clothing, material, etc., and there are Hunters who hunt for hunting's sake. Seeking seems no different. Is it the finish line or the journey that we seek, the take or the act? And the can't-ignore follow-up question, "Is it ok to be a capital-S Seeker?"
Jesus told his disciples, "Seek and you shall find" (Matthew 7:7, Luke 11:9), and herein lies slap #2. It is inferred that the Divine honors seeking as a means, but there is no inference here that seeking as an end is honorable. If ones seeks to seek and not to find, what progress has been made, what good comes from it? Jesus posits that God will honor and fulfill the true seeker when searching for Him; perhaps I have taken my focus off of the Truth I claim to be seeking and have instead elevated the act of seeking to its place.
"God?" -- Zoolander
which leads to slap #3. What would I do if I found? Lewis tells the story of two boys playing cops-and-robbers in their attic. Excitement fills the place, they prepare and train with their sticks, as they plan and pretend to fight off the bad guys. Then there is a footstep. They cower.
Fear sets in. Suddenly the concept they have been playing with becomes very real, and they are afraid. What would I do if I found? Is it the Truth I am interested in, or am I more interested in just some truth (yah, we're back to the capitilization thing).
The three questions:
1) Am I a seeker or a Seeker? of Truth or of truth?
2) If a Seeker, what non-self-centered benefits come from it?
3) If a seeker, am I ready to find?
As of right now, the answers are 1) S 2) none 3) maybe I'll know if I ever become one.
"What's the dealio, yo?" -- again, Zoolander
So, now you know I have been slapped. It's good to be slapped on occasion; perhaps it will alter my spiritual complexion.
shanti,
mjh
FYI: feel free to comment (just click that little comment link down there). we all need company and conversation out in this blogosphere. but no pressure. I wouldn't know what to say either.
9 comments:
I think you are thinking too much :). If God is Truth (and I believe He is), than He's not that hard to find (in fact Matt. 7:7 implies that He can be found). There are plenty of other verses in the Bible that imply that He seeks us out too, so I don't think we have to look very hard. While my spiritual journey through life should involve growing (maturing), the seeking ends with a commitment. Then the joy of the fellowship begins. Interesting post - we all need a slap up the side of the head every once in a while :). Babs
Perhaps I am thinking too much...thanks for the wise words.
i think that zoolander has some good insight that maybe we should discuss next time...
if noone has written "Zoolander: A Model Philosopher", someone should.
Great post, Matt. I didn't know about your blog until now, but I like the thoughts in it...and the humor, because no Seeker is complete without a sense of humor. In fact, I think you might have hit on something...irony. And that sometimes truth is in the eye of the beholder (truth, that is, not Truth). Minal will probably remember some similar discussions from TOK in high school (and that's T.O.K., not taking a "tok"). Anyhow, I, too, have been occasionally slapped by CS Lewis, in a big way in college that changed my perspective on faith, religion, God, and the scientific method. We'll have to discuss some time when I don't have a limit on the # of words I can type :-)
Cheers, Kate
so you still can't find the off switch..that was meant as a joke. Based on my old and limited knowledge, I think you are a SEEKER and you wouldn't know the Truth if it bit you in the butt so you are always going to be seeking. Please take my comments as funny and light hearted. have we reached that point yet?? Michelle
no i haven't (found the switch) and yes we have (reached that point). :o)
I'm intrigued by your use of the (s)eek and (S)eek. As a fan of Heidegger, Husserl and Derrida I appreciate the distinction. Are you saying the difference is that (s) is for the sake of the journey and (S) is to actually find something? That would make sense, however I would have to ask how you would know you were doing one or the other. That would imply you are not seeking Truth at all but rather just seeking knowledge.
I don't think you are thinking too much. The question, at another level, begs the question of the frame in which you are (S)eeking. If, for example, I don't use the Christian Bible as a guide book will I inherently find the "Christian God"? It demands a level of openness and sincerity when (S)eeking.
(S)eek or (s)eek OR, better, (S)eek and (s)eek. be open, please, to the possibility of multiple truths. not just this truth for you and another truth for others, but both this AND that truth for you. our worlds are too complicated, our stories too entangled, our globe to small for truth to be a finite, singular or definitive concept, a concept with a beginning and an end. this is not post-mod where there is no truth. we live after that. here it is about the journey.
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