attitude

It is hard raising a 3-year-old. I am constantly having difficult conversations, teaching difficult lessons, and, moreover, facing the reflection of such.

"Lily, you really should be grateful for what you have; many children do not have so many toys." "Why, daddy?" -- I have no good answer;

"Lily, get in here and clean up your toys." -- as I try not to turn around and look at the messy kitchen;

"Lily, you need to get better at sharing." -- as I hoard money, tangible stuff, and scrape the leftovers into the trash;

"Lily, you don't need to watch anymore TV today." -- and I know that, once she is in bed, I will turn it right back on.

"Lily, it's not that big of a deal." -- I am pretty sure I said while mentally cursing the driver in front of me.

The most pressing reflection, however, has to do with attitude.

"Lily, you need to focus more on the positive aspects of the day and not on the minor problems."

I'll admit it; I have been pretty critical of my company lately. It's part of why my corporate blog has been more silent these days; too much to say, but too hesitant to say any of it. Some of it is just personal, and personal it shall stay.

However, 1) I have a job, 2) it is a good job, 3) it is an important job, 4) I am better today than I was five years ago because of this job.

Today, I am grateful; today, I am proud; today, I am focusing on the positive. As they say, the future is unknown and necessarily distant, but today, today, I can focus on the undeniable good.

I urge you to do the same.

shanti,
mjh

mail

My to-do list is out of control; my guess is that you can relate. No matter how much I try to get done in a day or week, it seems that the list never really gets any shorter. However distressing this might be, I still find comfort in cutting down the list whenever possible. Tonight, I have crossed another thing off, and the Truth that it reveals could alter your day.

Two days ago, I received my Census form. I did my part after dinner this evening, and now it sits, definitely crossed off of the list, out in my mailbox.

Tasks such as this always cause me to pause. The official to-do states that I need to fill out the Census and mail it. Part one of that requirement is complete; part two...I guess it's not quite fulfilled, as I know it is still out there, in the metal box. Thankfully, the faith that I have in its completion is enough to settle my nerves.

I imagine that being a manager feels a lot like this. The task is not officially complete yet, but I have confidence that the person assigned to help me complete it (in my case, my mail-carrier) will do so without pause or incident. I trust that she will take every step necessary to fulfill her duty or will alert me to any hindrances. I have enough faith in the process and the person hired to take charge of that process, that I, almost without thinking, already consider it done.

I sincerely hope that anyone in my personal chain of command, and in yours, employs such trust; likewise I sincerely hope that I, and you, have earned it.

I don't believe that I have ever thanked my mail-carrier for a job well done; I think tomorrow that will change. How about you? If you rely on others, have faith in others, believe in others to get the job done, why not make them aware of your appreciation today?

Yes, I just put something on your to-do list. Apologies for that, but I trust that you will cross it off soon enough.

shanti,
mjh

constructs

As an HBE, I spend a lot of time constructing; while on the phone, I imagine faces, places, scenes, expressions, etc. Such constructs are subconscious and necessary. If we have never met in person, my brain instantly begins to fill in your details, based on nothing more than your voice, name, personality, and any other details it can glean from our interaction. You get a couple of eyes, a mouth, some hair, all by default. The more advanced process of how person X is drawn and how h/she differs from person Y is way too complex for my consciousness to begin to explore. Suffice it to say, however, that somehow my brain begins to fill in the details, constructing a picture of who you are, and that made-up picture is, for better or worse, who you are when you come to mind.

Recently, my imaginative abilities were put to the test when three of my oft-contacted buddies showed up for Action Labs in New York. Sitting in the hotel restaurant, each waltzed in...looking nothing like what my mind had constructed. Seriously, I was way off of the mark. It greatly surprised me, though it should not have. Having never seen a single picture of these guys, I was destined to be wrong in my vision. And I was.

Though there is a lot to be learned from my mental mistakes, from painting a completely erroneous image based solely on phone conversations, the most interesting thing to me today is that the constructs have disappeared in my mind. When I spoke to Bob recently, I saw Bob; there was no trace of bizzaro-Bob, the Hollowell-ized version that had been growing unchecked for the past several months. Same thing with Pat; when I hear his voice on the other end of the line, I can see him.

There is a great value in the Truth. It has a way of erasing the falsities that we construct; it's hard to ignore; and it has power. It is so powerful, in fact, that it instantaneously obliterated my pre-conceptions, and that is usually a very good thing. The fuzziness gained detail, and the generalities became specific. I am very grateful for the opportunity to correct my flawed construct of these guys, and I hope to do the same for many of you.

Just be aware that facing the Truth, though positive in so many respects, is an irreversible position. Remember to take a deep breath before opening your eyes, check your preconceptions at the door, and let's get better at letting the Truth work its magic.

'Transparency' is such a buzz-word these days, and the concept has its merit; however, let's be sure we are seeing with clarity before we try and make the Truth clear for others.

shanti,
mjh

play

If you have 30 minutes, I highly recommend watching this video. It will potentially blow your mind, which is always a positive experience when done in moderation.

shanti,
mjh

http://g4tv.com/lv3/44277

weight

Last Thursday night, I checked back into my hotel room and accepted my fate: snowed in; no way out. I was not thrilled with the situation, though the quiet after the storm (both literally and metaphorically) was quite nice. Four days of Action Labs had passed, and a calmness had descended on the IBM Palisades. I took some time that night to sit out on the hotel balcony; I watched the snow continue to fall, stared out at the monochromatic landscape, and listened to the utter quietness.

It was during one of these cold, centering sessions when I was introduced to a phenomenon not often present in the South. Loud cracks, sharp breaks, distant crashing sounds. It took me a few minutes to discern the noise, then I saw it happen.

A perfectly healthy-looking branch, weighted down by the snow, just fell free from its tree and crashed to the ground. Weight; I have seen this before. Actually, I am seeing it now at my company.

Weight, either tangible or intangible, can be bothersome, can slow you down, and, given enough time and inattention, can literally render you unable to maintain.

So, how are you doing? Have you checked your weight lately? Have you checked the weight of those around you?

Managers, if you do not have an accurate idea of the weight your team members are carrying, both as a team and especially individually, it's time to check in. When the branch has fallen, when the weight has done its damage, there rarely is a chance to go back. The crack, break, and crash come fast; you'd be wise to see it coming.

And if you, dear reader, cannot carry one more thing, if you are weighed down to the point of cracking, start shouting. We are a company, after all, and that implies togetherness and sharing. If you crack and fall, well, the landscape just wouldn't be the same.

It's worth thinking about: If you fall in the forest, and no one hears it...

shanti,
mjh

reinforcement

It was a hard decision this past week, but my wife and I changed our daughter to a new pediatrician. The reasons were valid and solid, though we were unsure how the newness would sit with our three-year-old; she, like many her age, cherishes repetition and order. However, through much preparation and visual aids, and despite all of our nightmarish fears, Lily acted the champ. She followed directions; she happily jumped through the proverbial hoops of a well-child check-up, and she never once seemed distraught over the change in venue or face.

The cause of this angelic appointment is really unknown. Was it the pep talks; was it the new toys; was it the promise of a treat? There is no way of knowing. The result, however, of this unforeseen event is very clear: positive reinforcement (for us). Not that we should change Dr's on a yearly basis, but that we, as parents, made the right decision. This parental positive reinforcement does not surface often, so it comes highly prized. And it feels good.

Which leads me to consider, again, the opportunity for and effects of positive reinforcement in the corporate world. I have blogged about this before, and I still believe that presence is perhaps the single most important form of reinforcement that exists. Surely, presence alone is often not enough; that is why we have bonuses, recognition, awards. However, even those somewhat more tangible boosts are nothing without the foundational sense of company and of belonging.

Sending me presents reminds me that I am here; sending me your presence reminds me that you are here, too; that I am not alone.

So for those of you who stop in and read this blog, I offer my thanks; multiple thanks to those who take the time to post a comment. Your presence, whether I know you are here or not, is of utmost importance to me and to the enterprise as a whole. Obviously, reflecting back on this post, I would prefer to know that you were here (just say 'wasuuuuup' in the comment box); however, even if you do not acknowledge your presence here on my blog, take the time to acknowledge yourself to someone else today. Better than that, reveal your presence to someone who might have completely forgotten your nearness, your actualization (as an HBE, I know this disconnect all too well).

In my previous post on presence, I called on my readers to "take the time today to remind those who rely on us, those we rely on, those we support and are supported by, that we are here"; today, however, perhaps relying on proximity, whether physical or spiritual, is not enough. Today, why not think of someone that you have not been present with for quite some time, someone long lost or simply far away, and be present with him/her.

And do it within your company walls; that's harder, and you need a challenge. Make a phone call to that guy you used to work with; shoot an email out to check on a distant co-worker; hug a blogger. :o)

Oftentimes, absence is misunderstood; presence, however, rarely is. Be present, not only with yourself, not only with your clique, but also with the 'others'.

And if your presence does not motivate, if the relationship is immune to reinforcement simply though reminded companionship, go ahead and offer a Hershey's Kiss; it works for my daughter.

shanti,
mjh