poetry Tuesday

in case you have never read it:

"Not Waving but Drowning"

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

--Stevie Smith

I am neither waving nor drowning, just sharing some poetry. I hope to begin writing again soon...

shanti,
mjh

kinda random post part 2

I don't often bring my family into/onto my blog. I like to keep my little place on the web separate from my day-to-day life. However, there's been lots of great pictures taken lately, and I thought I would share a few (translation: I still have no time to write, so I am using pics as a filler post).

shanti,
mjh

kinda random post part 1

My friend Rob started a thread asking folks to list their version of MLA's 100 Best Novels. See his insightful list here, see the wonderful Dr. Wright's list here, and my list is below:

1. Crow by Ted Hughes
2. The Book of Nightmares by Galway Kinnell
3. Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. Paradise Lost by John Milton
5. Psalms 46:10a by David
6. Walking by Henry David Thoreau
7. From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea by Robert Smith
8. God by Tupac Shakur
9. Holy Sonnet 14 by John Donne
10. The Awakening by Kate Chopin
11. The Bhagavad Gita by Vyasa
12. Ulysses by James Joyce
13. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
14. The Lady of Shalott by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
15. Watership Down by Richard Adams
16. Raising Holy Hell by Bruce Olds
17. The Great and Secret Show by Clive Barker
18. Everville by Clive Barker
19. A Forest by Robert Smith
20. The Over-Soul by Ralph Waldo Emerson
21. Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo
22. The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas by Ursula K. Le Guin
23. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
24. Walden by Henry David Thoreau
25. The Spiral Road by Jan de Hartog
26. Hyper Ballad by Bjork
27. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
28. SubUrbia by Eric Bogosian
29. The Food Chain by Geoff Nicholson
30. Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
31. Macaria by Augusta Jane Evans
32. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
33. Dover Beach by Matthew Arnold
34. Happy Days by Samuel Beckett
35. Dream of the Rood by unknown
36. The Tempest by Shakespeare
37. Six Characters in Search of an Author by Luigi Pirandello
38. The Great Lawsuit by Margaret Fuller
39. The World of the Dark Crystal by Brian Froud
40. Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note by Amiri Baraka

As soon as I whittled my list down to 40 (he only asked for 20), I immediately was unsatisfied, both with the contents and ordering. However, for now, it will stand.

Feel free to post your own list here or over on Rob's blog. He's cool like that.

shanti,
mjh

vaca

i leave for vacation today (a mini one to birmingham to drop off the little one); then i leave for vacation again Monday (a big one; a week in the G'burg).

Let's just say things have been busy, crazy, stress-heavy, so I think I need this.

shanti,
mjh

feel good inc.

As I am watching SEC football and trying not to work (not as easy as it sounds when you work from home), I figured I would take some time to write about how amazing my recent trip to the City was.

Highlight #1: Seeing Dr. Wright. I hadn't seen Jaime in 15 years, and seeing her again was the best. We rode the subway, dined Italian, walked the City streets. It was a better visit than I could have hoped for and completely reinvigorating and eye opening. Totally what I needed.

#2: Web 2.0 Expo. This is the reason that I ended up in NYC, and it was totally worth the trip. Most of the sessions that I attended were very well done, full of useful and practical information, and chill on a very socially destratifying plain. Paramount to the sessions, however, was Tim O'Reilly's keynote speech. It was humbling, yet inspiring; statistics-driven, yet open-ended; honest, yet unpretentious. This was my first time hearing Tim speak, and I was very impressed. In addition, I had a great meeting with the threepress.org. I can only use the words "inspiring", "amazing", etc. so many times in one post, but she was all of these and more.

#3: Flynn. For those who know, enough said. F-Club Flynn.

#4: Mood. My only real priority when touching down in NYC was to get to Mood. And it was awesome. I bought a yard of fabric and five buttons. Random, sure, but I've been to Mood, and that means that I rock.

#5: the City. I had never been to NYC before and was quite intimidated the morning of my trip. However, I have to say that the people were friendly, the weather was amazing, and the coffee was dark. What more could you ask for? Well, I guess I could've asked for someone to whisk me off the street and beg me to record a platinum-selling album, but I guess I have a better shot at that happening here in Nashville (and that shot sits at 0% as of today).

All-in-all, a very successful trip, which has led to a pretty boring post. Sorry about that. I know that stories of almost-muggings or walking into the Amazing Race would have livened things up, but it just didn't happen. I visited, I learned, I was inspired, and I survived.

Stay tuned, however; there might be an amazing end to this story yet...

shanti,
mjh

comments and answers

to answer:
1) the old pictures did not scare me off, though they could have. that's some scary stuff.
2) yes, chicken is divine. thanks for pointing that out, anon.
3) my daughter thinks i'm funny, though she is only 20 months old. great age for trying out new material.
4) i'm not quitting the blog...again.

truthfully, i have been working 60+ hours a week, and trying to be a good husband, father, neighbor, friend, etc. Proximity still wins out, and something had to go. I'll likely be back on Facebook around 1/09, once my work eases up a bit, and I look forward to seeing what groups are still active, what pictures have been posted, who has popped up or disappeared.

In the meantime, I have a handful of topics to discuss (more magazine stuff, my NYC trip, more S_L_A_P_P_E_D talk, etc.) and things to virtually work out here on the blog. It is nice to only have one thing on that pesky back-of-my-mind to-do list.

shanti,
mjh

it's all about time

Yes, I have once again quit myspace and facebook. Disconnection feels kinda nice. I will probably be back someday, but, since I have shown my fear of commitment more than once, just know that I will probably be gone someday as well. Such is life, I guess.

shanti,
mjh

NYC-bound

So, I am heading to "the City" tomorrow to attend the Web 2.0 expo. Just wanted to brag. Oh, and I am meeting up with Jaime. Yah, that's two brags in one post.

shanti,
mjh

less serious and much cuter

S_L_A_P_P_E_D

I was slapped yesterday morning on a quick road trip up to Louisville. I was just putting up the interstate, listening to a 12-part lecture series on C.S. Lewis. Now, I expected to be enlightened, entertained, and perhaps floored by this collection; after all, few people take Lewis lightly. The slap, however, was unexpected. It was either cosmic or divine, or perhaps a momentary spiritual manifestation of self-awareness, clarity, and the need to define, redefine, and center. In any case, it's still on my mind (and now will be on yours. tag.).

"Who am I" -- Zoolander

I have forever been a seeker. Anyone who knows me understands that for many years I have sought God, the Truth, and how those two interact, intertwine, and interrupt the human experience. More than a hobby, it has been a lifestyle, continually thinking, reading, asking, listening, questioning, being, understanding, non-, believing, non-, etc. I wrap it all up in a simple self-label: "I am a seeker of the Truth". (*side note* in rereading this post, that statement is not sitting with me very well; it somehow comes across as grandiose and self-important. I mean it neither way; I am no knight, destined for a quest that none else understands. It is likely that every one of you reading this post are "seekers of the Truth"; however, self-defining is necessarily self-pointing and -centered. Please take it the least self-aggrandizing way possible. Since I have rudely interrupted myself, here is the statement again for continuity's sake: "I am a seeker of the Truth" *second side note* Ugh. It still doesn't sit well with me. How about this: "I have always thought of myself as a seeker of the Truth" or "I always try to seek the Truth"? Ugh. Nevermind.) However, the geography (for lack of a better term) of that statement has been called into question...and here comes the slap...

Am I a "seeker of the Truth" or am I a "Seeker of the Truth"? The devil is always in the details, and in this case the details lie in the capitalization. Am I a "seeker" or a "Seeker"?

In other words, is the act of seeking the means to the greater Truth end, or is the act of seeking concurrently and actually the means and the end? Am I divinely viewed as a seeker after the Truth, or just a Seeker comfortable in his seeking, defined by his seeking, forever-engaged in the act of seeking?

There are hunters who hunt for food, clothing, material, etc., and there are Hunters who hunt for hunting's sake. Seeking seems no different. Is it the finish line or the journey that we seek, the take or the act? And the can't-ignore follow-up question, "Is it ok to be a capital-S Seeker?"

Jesus told his disciples, "Seek and you shall find" (Matthew 7:7, Luke 11:9), and herein lies slap #2. It is inferred that the Divine honors seeking as a means, but there is no inference here that seeking as an end is honorable. If ones seeks to seek and not to find, what progress has been made, what good comes from it? Jesus posits that God will honor and fulfill the true seeker when searching for Him; perhaps I have taken my focus off of the Truth I claim to be seeking and have instead elevated the act of seeking to its place.

"God?" -- Zoolander

which leads to slap #3. What would I do if I found? Lewis tells the story of two boys playing cops-and-robbers in their attic. Excitement fills the place, they prepare and train with their sticks, as they plan and pretend to fight off the bad guys. Then there is a footstep. They cower.
Fear sets in. Suddenly the concept they have been playing with becomes very real, and they are afraid. What would I do if I found? Is it the Truth I am interested in, or am I more interested in just some truth (yah, we're back to the capitilization thing).

The three questions:
1) Am I a seeker or a Seeker? of Truth or of truth?
2) If a Seeker, what non-self-centered benefits come from it?
3) If a seeker, am I ready to find?

As of right now, the answers are 1) S 2) none 3) maybe I'll know if I ever become one.

"What's the dealio, yo?" -- again, Zoolander

So, now you know I have been slapped. It's good to be slapped on occasion; perhaps it will alter my spiritual complexion.

shanti,
mjh

FYI: feel free to comment (just click that little comment link down there). we all need company and conversation out in this blogosphere. but no pressure. I wouldn't know what to say either.

February

I can't remember if I have posted these lyrics before or not, but do yourself a slight favor and take some time to enjoy them. You might find them blue; you might find them real; you might find them open; regardless, you could be better by finding them:

"February" by Dar Williams

I threw your keys in the water, I looked back
They'd frozen halfway down in the ice
They froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners,
Even after the anger, it all turned silent, and
The everyday turned solitary,
So we came to February.

First we forgot where we'd planted those bulbs last year,
Then we forgot that we'd planted at all
Then we forgot what plants are altogether
And I blamed you for my freezing and forgetting and
The nights were long and cold and scary
Can we live through February?

You know I think Christmas was a long red glare,
Shot up like a warning, we gave presents without cards,
And then the snow,
And then the snow came, we were always out shoveling,
And we'd drop to sleep exhausted,
Then we'd wake up, and it's snowing.

And February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking a path alone together.
You stopped and pointed and you said, "That's a crocus,"
And I said, "What's a crocus?" and you said, "It's a flower,"
I tried to remember, but I said, "What's a flower?"
You said, "I still love you."

The leaves were turning as we drove to the hardware store,
My new lover made me keys to the house.
And when we got home, well we just started chopping wood,
Because you never know how next year will be,
And we'll gather all our arms can carry,
I have lost to February.

on Wings

Yesterday was a long day; last night was a late night. And I hope to always remember that a 4-hour car ride is totally worth a 2-hour dinner with old friends.

shanti,
mjh

magazine talk, part 1

As I wait for my INDD program to unfreeze, I thought I would start this/these posts.

Background:
I have always wanted to start/run a magazine. It always seemed like a hip, worthwhile, interesting dream to have, and, though I have never fully pursued it, I still wonder if I might succeed someday. I was inspired during my college and grad school years.

My first inspiration: Jack Gallo.

My second inspiration, however, was much more tangible and important to me. I found myself surrounded by great friends who were writers, researchers, artists, designers, etc. Realizing that all of us English and Art majors would likely be forced to define ourselves through corporate America, meaning that, for the most part, personal inspiration and talent would be curtailed by the Market's definition of what was important or valuable, I decided a magazine would be the perfect outlet to not only allow my peers to earn a living, but also to keep them close to me. Furthermore, it was the closest thing to a commune I could come up with without the creepy-commune vibe.

Needless to say, no magazine was ever started, and I have lost touch with some of the most talented folks who ever graced my college campus.

I'm hoping to post about my first magazine idea soon, then to follow that up with my newest magazine scheme; right now, however, it looks like a reboot is in order.

shanti,
mjh

The Spiral Road

Just want to say that I am reading The Spiral Road by Jan de Hartog and loving every minute of it. It's been a long time since I have had the opportunity to just sit and read all day; one of those days would be nice right now.

shanti,
mjh

#3--i'm going straight to health...

Every time I approach my blog these days, I feel overwhelmed. It is a good problem, I guess, to have more to say than time to say it. Better, at least, than the converse. I have dug my own hole, so there is no legs in complaining. With presences on facebook, myspace, linkedin, my own blog, my friends' blogs...not to mention work, family, etc., it seems that my virtual time and real time run out too quickly. Again, my own fault. I think i'll start by nixing myspace.

So, thing #3 that I have been meaning to write about.

personal training and my hatred of all things physically painful.
I assume it is perfectly natural to hate working out. right? the truth is that I have never worked out a day in my life until yesterday. Marching band in high school was probably the most physical activity I ever did for a long stretch of time; Mission Tour being the most in a short timeframe. Not to downplay the physicality of either of these, but neither of them really pushed me up to my limit (though some of those longer puppet numbers were very close). For those who did not know me in the early 90s...yes, I did say puppets.

In a fit of insanity (or complete clarity), I have decided to try and be in the best shape of my life by my 32nd birthday, not only for my own sake, but because I have a family now, and I'd kinda like to be around to see them for a few more years. So, I signed up with a personal trainer, and I am going to use part of this blog to periodically document my progress, struggles, etc. It's not that I think all people are interested in my workout habits; instead, it is all about accountability. If I am honest here in the beginning, I feel like I will be compelled to be honest in the future (including that terrible future post where I have to admit that I quit...hopefully, I will never have to write that one, but I am realistically leaving it on the table for the time being. I am in much pain tonight.).

Before I can show any progress, however, I must start with the down-and-dirty details.
Here I am:
Overall fitness score: 26 out of 100 (yah, that's not good)
Total Weight: 197 pounds
Lean Weight: 154.8 pounds
Fat Weight: 42.2 pounds (yah, that's a lot of freakin' fat I'm toting around)
Percent Body Fat: 21.4 (ugh)
Resting Heart Rate: 91 Beats per minute (which puts me in the 5th percentile, which is very not good)
After 3-Minute Step test: 130 Bpm (10th percentile; again, not good)
Pushup test: 17 (thankfully, that's average)
Flexibility test: 16.25 inches (I scored above average on this one. *whew*)

There you go. Matt in some unflattering numbers. What is the future of this post? One of two things will likely happen. Either I will re-post my health in numbers again in about 6 weeks, after getting retested. Or I will write a short, simple, and sad post some day saying that I have given up. I don't consider myself a quitter at all...however, the past two days have been quite rough, physically and mentally.

here's to the future: pain, adrenaline, healthy food, cheating, goals acheived, whining, and new outlooks on life.

shanti,
mjh

TV Guide for my blog

since it doesn't look like I will have much time to write today, here is a list of upcoming topics that I have been "writing" about in my mind but have not had the energy to put to physical words. Think of this as your TV Guide for my blog; you can see what I will be writing about in the near future and decide if you want to tune back in:

1) Facebook: I'm back on Facebook after a two-year break. I don't really know why, but we'll see how it goes this time around.
2) Books: I'm reading again; this time I randomly chose "The Spiral Road" by Jan de Hartog. I'm 80 pages in and loving it. Since I never updated my quest for more Faust books, I hope to detail my road to Hartog.
3) Personal training: after taking the first week off due to illness, I am slated to start with my new trainer Monday morning. I'll give you all the dirty details next week.
4) Insects vs. people: I doubt I will get around to writing about this. Really, nobody should.
5) My blog: I have been thinking a lot lately about the purpose of my random writings...I had hoped to find a "direction" in my week off, but I feel drawn back into the chaos.
6) Magazine: I think I might start a new personal project. I want to detail it here and get your comments. Since it is my idea, I am a bit blind to its objectivity.

There you go. If you are interested, I'll see you back here over the weekend. If you are not, take a week or so off, and we'll catch up later.

Besides the blog-planning, life is good. I have a good job, a good family, and a good book. There's not much else I would ask for.

shanti,
mjh

breaking that brief silence for a hug

I just wanted to note that my little one has a friend at school. When they saw each other this morning, they hugged each other so hard that, after about 1 second upright, they both hit the floor...while still embracing. Neither of them cried, though they were perilously close to a dangerous edge. They got up, laughed, and went about their lives.

It was a great hug; it was a powerful hug; it was a true hug. Just another thing we could learn from the littlest among us.

shanti,
mjh

for better or worse...

...I am going to take a couple of weeks away from the blog. Gotta think some things through and figure some stuff out. In the meantime, check out some of my blogging friends:

Irish Rain
Simulate This
Gathering Stones
Three Zero
Heavy Metal Lunch

And, Sally, Britt, Katie, if by some strange fate you ever end up here, I am very sorry for your loss. You are in whatever thoughts and prayers that we have.

shanti,
mjh

Lord of the Dark Lake (and late-night ramblings)

Ever since graduating grad school and leaving its bliss behind (no sarcasm there; i truly loved those days), I constantly regret not reading much anymore. Reading was my life (that, and researching, writing, thinking, stressing, stretching, deconstructing, etc.) for those two years, and I just haven't gotten back on the saddle again.

I am trying again. I moseyed over to my bookcases a couple of weeks ago and picked out Sophocles's "Antigone". It dawned on me that I had never read it. Not sure how it escaped me (or I it), but it was time. It hardly qualified as jumping back on the wagon as you could easily read it in one sitting, but it was a start. Of course, I loved it. How can one live life without occasionally being reminded that "no suffering could be so terrible / as to die for nothing..."?

It was a great start.

Next came a trip to the local library. I was in search of Replay, but, alas, our library did not have it. So, I decided to take a leap and just grab a book off of a random shelf (solely chosen by its cover design, title, and brief excerpt; there's an ex-English-grad student for you). After perusing, I decided on Lord of the Dark Lake by Ron Faust.

I was unfamiliar with his work, but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It's basically a rich-and-slightly-insane-person-throws-a-seriously-wicked-party novel, which I totally appreciated and dug on deep level. Not that there is necessarily a genre for this, but I have been interested in such things ever since I read The Food Chain a few years back.

Anyways, imagine my surprise when Faust invokes "Antigone" in his novel. Coincidence is a strange thing.

I think that last sentence was going to be the point of this post, but now I find myself tracing my trek and the circle that I have travelled (which, of course, is another theme in LOTDL).

Let's see: I wrote a paper on Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen and Marquis de Sade (um, don't even try to figure out how that paper went. It's called undergrad fitting very square peg into a hole that doesn't exist in any dimension. And how I got to de Sade is a completely different subject). Anyways, that time in my life led me to TFC, which influenced my decision to read LOTDL, which recalled "Antigone"....hmm....not really a circle is it. More of a sideways "J".

All of that to say that I am back in the reading saddle and would love recommendations. And, yes, it seems that I would be all about that Great Gatsby, but I've read it a few times and never really enjoyed it (sorry Dr. Wright). Perhaps I will give it another shot...but I doubt it.

I think tomorrow I'll go check out another Faust book. Likely, it will be The Blood-Red Sea. It's a subject for another post, but I am also completely and utterly taken by open, deep, easily-lost-in bodies of water.

shanti,
mjh

personal training

I've been thinking a lot lately about personal training of the body/mind. Not in the workout, gym, yoga, way; instead I've been pondering the various abilities that we, through our professions, upbringing, or interests, develop as a kind of faux-instinct.

Fo(u)r example(s):

• my brother can hear a pitch and identify it. Hum a note, he'll tell you it's a G. Listen to your refrigerator drone, he'll pick out a C.
• my wife can spot a "good" vein from across the mall. Put her in a room full of people, and she can rank the people from easiest to hardest intubation simply by looking at their necks.
• my friend can spot and name a typeface anytime, anywhere. Give her a couple of letters, and she knows exactly what family, style, etc.
• an old high-school buddy of mine could spot a four-leaf clover from six feet away (meaning from a standing position).

I mention that I have been pondering, and that is really as far as I have come. No great conclusions, no great epiphanies...just interested and thinking, wondering if such faux-instincts are somewhat pre-programmed and if all, or any, are evolutionarily beneficial (evolutionarily on a one-lifetime scale).

I'm interested to hear if any of you dear readers have such personally-developed instincts. If you want to share, let me know. I think mine comes from spending hours and hours reading/studying/teaching literature and writing/grammar. I can spot a typo a mile away. Give me a page in a book, and, even if I can't see the exact error immediately, I will know that something is amiss. Give me two more moments, and I'll point it out. It's not always the most blessed faux-instinct, and I don't think it is all that unique, but it's mine, nonetheless.

Oh, and I can usually tell you the exact time (well, down to the minute; I haven't mastered seconds yet) even if I haven't seen a clock in hours. I don't know where that one came from.

Chime in if you would like to share or if you have a bubbling-up revelation. I'd love to know what instincts further separate us, making me = me and you = you.

shanti,
mjh

when I was a boy

I'll likely leave the song alone after this post, but for those of you who aren't able to listen to the song (playlist below), I wanted to post the lyrics. I have listened to Dar for years, and, though it would be impossible for me to rank, this is definitely in my top three ("Teen For God" and "February" rounding out that top...at least today).

When I was a Boy -- Dar Williams
I won't forget when Peter Pan came to my house, took my hand
I said I was a boy; I'm glad he didn't check.
I learned to fly, I learned to fight
I lived a whole life in one night
We saved each other's lives out on the pirate's deck.

And I remember that night
When I'm leaving a late night with some friends
And I hear somebody tell me it's not safe,
someone should help me
I need to find a nice man to walk me home.

When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom,
Climbed what I could climb upon
And I don't know how I survived,
I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew.

And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too.

I was a kid that you would like, just a small boy on her bike
Riding topless, yeah, I never cared who saw.
My neighbor came outside to say, "Get your shirt,"
I said "No way, it's the last time I'm not breaking any law."

And now I'm in this clothing store, and the signs say less is more
More that's tight means more to see, more for them, not more for me
That can't help me climb a tree in ten seconds flat

When I was a boy, See that picture? That was me
Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees
And I know things have gotta change,
They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in,
they've got implants to remove

But I am not forgetting...that I was a boy too

And like the woods where I would creep, it's a secret I can keep
Except when I'm tired, 'cept when I'm being caught off guard
And I've had a lonesome awful day, the conversation finds its way
To catching fire-flies out in the backyard.

And so I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived
And I say, "Now you're top gun, I have lost and you have won"
And he says, "Oh no, no, can't you see

When I was a girl, my mom and I we always talked
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too.
And you were just like me, and I was just like you...

shanti,
mjh

listen up

so, i don't know if anyone out there keeps up with my playlist (bottom of the page), but i do, and i guess that matters. i finally took the time to clean it up a bit. The beauty of project playlist is that you can post/share a playlist and listen to it for free; the downside is that people move/delete their music files all of the time, leading to broken links, etc.

A notable addition is one of my all time favorite songs. i feel kinda bad singling one song out b/c i love every one of them, but if you have never heard "When I was a Boy" by Dar Williams, do yourself a favor, and check it out. i moved it to the top of the list to make it easy for you.

And i have finally put some funk into my playlist. You generally wouldn't know this, but i love funk music. If Funk were running for president, it would be a no-brainer. If Funk were hiring, I'd work for free. Basically, if Funk said to jump off of a bridge, this would be my last blog post. Perhaps I will make a totally funk playlist someday soon, and we can all just chill out and breathe.

For now, however, feel free to hang out and listen to some good music. Just be prepared for whiplash. The playlist has been built over several months and I have gone through several mood shifts in that time.

shanti,
mjh

religion, faith, emotion, etc. pt. 2

my thought process is that if emotion is the enemy of faith, then does that make logic faith's friend? Is it possible that logic can actually lead someone towards faith if emotion is taken out of the equation?

It seems obvious that emotion is definitely a friend of religion; a quick peek into any religious ceremony could confirm this. I do not posit that religion is all emotion, but I do believe that it can play a very significant role in one's religious experience.

However, faith and religion are not interchangeable, at least not in the Christian society that I am familiar with. Religion belongs to the whole, faith to the individual. By believing in/joining with a religion/religious body, one professes to agree with (most) of the common tenants, rules, beliefs, etc. of the larger community. However, faith is personal; it is the place where you believe what you believe regardless of external pressure or voice (in fact, with Christianity, it's a lot about that internal voice).

So, how does personal faith relate to emotion and logic. Or does it? More about this tomorrow...maybe.

shanti,
mjh

religion, faith, emotion, etc.

A couple of nights ago, I met Jesus. Granted it was in a dream, but it was still pretty cool. Here's what went down.

Jesus was in his early 30s, and I was lucky enough to meet him right after he realized who he was. It seemed odd to me that Jesus would spend 30 years not knowing his own heavenly/earthly mission, so I asked him why and how. His answer was more than shocking to me.

"One word", he said. "Emotion."

He then told me that Emotion was the enemy of Faith.

I'm still not sure what to do with this....

shanti,
mjh

dance

i love this:



my wife loves this:

Heidi/Travis bench dance.

which means that we love Mia Michaels.

shanti,
mjh

gummy, gummy, gone...

Today is the first day of my 30-day fast from gummy candy (bears, worms, etc.). It really should have been yesterday, but I found some in my office, and, like a junkie, tore into them. The empty bag is resting on my floor, proving that I didn't even have the decency after devouring them to clean up. To you, dear reader, this test-of-will might not be a big deal; to me, however, this will be a struggle. Keep my and my emotional stability in your thoughts, please.



you know, they don't look all that appetizing up close. Perhaps this oily, fattening picture will help me through.

shanti,
mjh

POD evolution

It's about time someone pulled this together: MagCloud.

Print-on-demand magazines...very cool.

shanti,
mjh

a list of random stuff

Generally I, and most of those I know, blog when they have something to say or share. I'm pretty sure this is why my blog has been lonely recently. It's been a combination of not really wanting to share and not really know what to share. For today, however, I am just going to write. Nothing special, nothing planned, let's just see what's going on up there on this Friday.

1) I think I could be Amish...almost. I admit that I know very, very little about them. Just watched a documentary, so maybe I am 1% more knowledgeable today than I was yesterday. That being said, I dig the simplicity, the faith, the devotion, the ignorance-is-bliss and be-content attitudes, though truly I could never make those commitments. My problem with the Amish is that their community and lifestyle is primarily focused on the afterlife. They live as they do in hopes that they will get to heaven. Once again, people focused more on the next life than on this one. I don't think I will ever understand that frame of mind or the appeal of it (but I secretly wish that I could).

2) Not that I had any doubts about this, but I have learned this week that life is definitely not better without my little daughter here. What have I done during her vacation? I saw two terrible movies (The Happening, Sex in the City), went to two pretty good live concerts, and worked more than usual. All of that without the smiles, the laughter, and the non-stop talk about "bubbles". We go pick her up on Sunday; that day, my life gets better again.

3) I spoke with one of my good, long-distance friends (which is all I really have these days) last night. There's nothing like a good catch-up phone call to help you realize the world beyond you. Sure, the 24-news channels alert me to life outside of my circle, but the distance I often feel from those events forces my empathy to retreat. A good phone call, however, decentralizes thought, and that's a good thing. And by the way, if you are reading this post, there is a good chance you appeared in the conversation at least once.

4) I have recently become famished-fascinated by the idea of leaps vs. steps. We all participate in steps; in my current professional life, I am participating in several of them. The conversation goes like this:

Currently, we do A;
The technology/market exists to do B;
Well, that's a no-brainer, let's try it.

My understanding of think-tanks, however, is that they focus on the L and the P, and maybe even the X. Those letters, my friends, are leaps. Things that will not occur unless someone accelerates/circumvents the logical-step process and tackles the "other side" of the future. Yah, that's uber-cool.

5) Hell's Kitchen and Shear Genius reveal the brilliance of Project Runway.

6) I think that God might be a lot like Ron Bennington (those who listen to Ron and Fez on XM understand what I mean). Ron's all about personal responsibility, and if you make a crazy deal (like branding yourself after losing a bet), he's like "you said it, you have to do it; it was your idea." The reason I bring this up...I watched a NatGeo program yesterday called "Taboo", which was all about religion and those that exist more on the edge of convention. One of their stories was about a man who told God if s/he would spare his wife and daughter (during birthing complications) he would crucify himself 15 times. He pays this debt to God once a year on Good Friday. Yup, they nail his hands to a cross and he hangs up there with a crown of thorns on. I can only imagine God sitting in Heaven saying, "ok, if those are your terms, then go for it." Whether God had any hand in the situation or not is up for eternal debate, but it does seem imperative that the man lives up to his word, correct? Sad thing is that he pays his personal debt to God (crucifixion, can you imagine that!?!), while so many of us forget our own. Grace is an unfathomable thing.

7) Gotta go; sorry for the rambling. A cartoon for your entertainment.



shanti,
mjh

here we go again...

well, after quite a blog absence, I hope to be back up and running soon (read: not tonight, maybe tomorrow). My wife and I are having our(hopefully annual) AOW week, which basically means the little one is at the grandparents house for a few days. Here's hoping the free time allows me to update this virtual world on what has been going on around these parts.

In the meantime, have a smile with my little one:



shanti,
mjh

What happened in Vegas

Here's a quick rundown of our amazing Vegas trip (in no particular order):

1) Dinners:
Top of the World at the Stratosphere: food was OK, but the view was totally worth the price
Wing Lei at the Wynn: upscale Asian...very good and decor was so cool
Postrio and Canaletto at the Venetian: both had great food and were in St. Mark's square, where there is live entertainment, which made for a cool fake-outdoor feeling.

2) Shows:
Zumanity: pretty cool. Not quite our cup of tea, but it's hard to go wrong with cirque du soleil.
Le Reve: best show I have ever seen. If you ever have a chance to see this, do it. We still haven't figured out how to describe it except to say that it is the most amazing thing we have ever seen.
Penn & Teller: very entertaining. I still can't figure out how they did any of their magic.
Lake of Dreams (Wynn): Made me feel like a awe-filled kid again. definitely see this, too, if you can.
Sirens of TI: a little too pussycat-dollish for me.
Bellagio Fountains: must-see water/light show. This was the last thing we saw in Vegas, and it was a perfect way to end the trip.

3) Sat through a timeshare pitch on Thursday for $100 cash. 3 hours wasted, but the extra money was nice.

4) We stayed at the Venetian, which was definitely the nicest hotel I have ever been to. Our suite overlooked the pool garden, which was just beautiful at night. Though pricey, I am definitely glad that we stayed here.

5) The Grand Canal Shoppes were awesome. Shopping is one of my favorite things to do (though I rarely buy anything). Inside the Venetian, there are just tons of shops surrounding the indoor canal where you can ride in a gondola (which we did...pics hopefully will be posted later). I found a painting I desperately wanted to buy (see it here; looks much better in person). I told Minal that if I won the jackpot, I was going to buy it.

6) Our last night in Vegas, I won the jackpot. :o) It would be imprudent to disclose, but let's just say it was enough to pay for our whole trip, with some left over. It is always a good feeling to leave Vegas with more money than you showed up with.

7) No, I didn't buy the painting. It was just nice knowing that I could have.

8) Leaving was, of course, sad, but we timed it just right. Entering Vegas on Tuesday was perfect b/c the crowds were small. By Saturday morning when we left, the place was a madhouse. Since we aren't the madhouse type anymore, it was good to get out before things got even more crazy.

9) All in all, I can't imagine the trip being any better. The shows, the food, the casinos, the timing, the shopping...all great. The only lag time was the super-long timeshare pitch, but I like to think that it was their money that won me the jackpot. It makes the whole thing a little less annoying.

shanti,
mjh

revisiting obsession, part 1

I used to be obsessed with music; I miss those days. I now listen to at least 8 hours of talk radio a day, with minor musical breaks sprinkled in (usually preferring my own playlist...bottom of this page). I miss listening to the same song hundreds of times in a row and loving every single play. My buddy Wallace will remember the cassettes we used to have with "When the Children Cry" playing over and over for the full 90-minute tape. Yes, I miss those days.

So I am revisiting some of my old obsessions, and they are surfacing and becoming important once again.

Today's obsession comes from grad school:

"Homesick" by Kings of Convenience
(listen to it here, scroll down about 2/3 of the page)

"I'll lose some sales and my boss won't be happy,
But I can't stop listening to the sound
Of two soft voices
Blended in perfection
From the reels of this record that I've found.

Every day there's a boy in the mirror asking me...
What are you doing here?
Finding all my previous motives
Growing increasingly unclear.

I've traveled far and I've burned all the bridges
I believed as soon as I hit land
All the other options held before me,
Would wither in the light of my plan.

So I'll lose some sales and my boss won't be happy,
But there's only one thing on my mind
Searching boxes underneath the counter,
On a chance that on a tape I'd find...
A song for someone who needs somewhere to long for.

Homesick.
Because I no longer know where home is."

shanti,
mjh

Vegas is coming

Here's the Vegas itinerary:
4 nights at the Venetian;
3 shows: Zumanity, Penn & Teller, le Reve;
2 must-do water attractions: Bellagio fountains, Venetian gondola;
1 big wager on Roulette (Minal says red, I say black).

equals

hopefully one amazing 5th anniversary trip.

Less than a week until take-off; I have never been to Vegas before, so I'm open to any and all suggestions, comments, etc.

shanti,
mjh

congrats to the wife

for those following along at home, my wife just found out that she PASSED her oral boards! On the first try, too, which is uber-huge. So, after almost 9 years of training, she is finally "official". Time to relax a litte (until she has to recertify in 10 years).

Just wanted to world to know that she rocks.

shanti,
mjh

grammar points up for grabs

I was horrified last night by my earlier blog post. I was staring at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep, singing the monkey song in my head (yes, I am trying to find a middle ground between the numbers and the words), and I was struck by the realization that I have been party to bad grammar. Shame, shame on me.

10 points for the first person to point out the embarrassing grammar mistake in my interpretation of the monkey song:

"Five little monkeys sitting in a tree, one falls off and now there's three."

shanti,
mjh

123s vs. ABCs

My wife and I often sing to our daughter; nothing special there. We often disagree on the lyrics to ye olde childrens' songs; again, no big news. And more often than not, we simply make up lyrics as we go along. All was fine...until two nights ago, when we discovered the base-line difference between us two. Who knew that, after 9+ years of dating and almost 5 years of marriage, it would take "Five Little Monkeys" to truly bring to light the different colored glasses through which we see the world.

Here's the scene:
I am drying off and dressing the little one, and my wife launches into "Five Little Monkeys." I'll let you play along. Finish the lyric:

"Five little monkeys sitting in a tree, one falls off and now there's _____."

My very intelligent wife who aced college (honor's program, no less), medical school, and four years of medical residency calmly completes the line: "four".

What!?! I couldn't believe it. Four? Let's try it in a sing-song style:

"Five little monkeys sitting in a tree, one falls off and now there's four."

I can appreciate off-rhyme; I can live with breaks in schemes for attention-grabs and importance. But it's a kid's song, right? Don't we usually stick to the rules for a kid's song?

My version:

"Five little monkeys sitting in a tree, one falls off and now there's three."

See how nicely the rhyme completes itself. It's nothing to write home about, but there's some parallel there. What happened to the other monkey? Well, that's the imagination part of the song. In fact, to really get the little one's mind going, I think it should actually be:

"Five little monkeys sitting in a tree, one falls off and now there's twenty-three."

But then the rhythm is all off. Again...it's a kid's song. Let's keep the rhythm in order, right?

My wife and I have survived differences in race, religion, culture, study habits, shopping techniques, priorities, TV viewing habits, average temperature, etc., but when it comes right down to it...she sides with the numbers, I side with the words.

and on with life.

shanti,
mjh

Nothing to say but Vegas

So: work is crazy, Lily is getting smarter every day, it's teacher appreciation week at Lily's school, and Minal and I are planning a fifth-anniversary trip to Vegas.

**(Note to my past students: that's a good example of why you hyphenate a compound adjective. Read: trip for our fifth anniversary, not our fifth trip to Vegas to celebrate our anniversary.)**

Nothing more to say b/c of the reasons stated above (especially the foremost). Any Vegas hints/tips/warnings/etc.? Let me know.

shanti,
mjh

new music down below

In addition to my normal playlist at the bottom of the page, I have added a Glen Phillips show (embedded from archive.org, which, by the way, has thousands and thousands of free live shows). This show is my favorite by far and is my usual listening choice while traveling, walking, mowing the lawn, etc. Basically, it gets a lot of play on my ipod.

Just thought I would share it. There is genius in every one of these songs in various forms, and it makes for a great couple hours of acoustic music.

shanti,
mjh

free textbooks?

Anyone who knows me knows that I am fascinated these days with two things: publishing and how the industry will fit into our new web-based, instant global community. My interest is more in the realm of consumer publishing than in academic, but I am very interested in what is going on over at Flat World Knowledge. I'll hopefully have time to research this more soon, and will let you know what I think...

shanti,
mjh

creepy on so many levels...

Let it be known that I find it totally creepy that new advertisements have Wendy (you know, from Wendy's) and van Gogh's self-portrait in motion. It's not enough that I (and the collective "we") have been creeped out for years by advertisers constant need to make animals ("real" animals, not cartoon representations) talk to us, but bringing still-life cultural artifacts to "life"...it's just creepy and against better judgment (not saying that I have said better judgment, but that's beside the current point). I would just rather not have the Wendy's girl eating a wrap or van Gogh needing allergy medication. Just one more reason I should be watching less TV.

Wait, did I just blog? Like the way I used to make fun of other bloggers? Like complaining about a societal issue that is of relative (or actual) insignificance? Like feeling that I need to add to some imaginary cultural discourse? Like "hey, listen to me; i have something important to say to 'the man' " (read: advertisers). Woh, that's weird. I think I need some rest and a resetting of the brain/priorities/identity.

Let's pretend that this post never happened (though, I still find them creepy and am personally demanding that they stop; if they don't, I might just have to keep blogging about it.).

shanti,
mjh

Hey you

I have been a Pink Floyd fan for many years. Nothing special; there are many of us. I have also been a fan of language/lyrics for many years; again, nothing special. However, listening through "Hey you" last night, I was struck (as I am every time I hear this song) by a particular lyric that strikes me on some very deep level, and I am not exactly sure why.

Simply, "Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone".

I generally find myself living in the world of complex, deep-meaning (or just deep sounding) lyrics. So, I am struck by the simplicity and wonder this Roger Waters lyric. I think it has to have something to do with the intangibility of our current society. 99% of my chosen career deals with the intangible. Though I get advances of the books that I help edit/publish, everything else that I do is electronic, bits/bytes of information and keystrokes, and I am definitely in the majority. The few years that I taught were very tangible: students, books, chalkboards, etc., but I am quite sure that even that level of realism has certainly shifted over the past few years.

Perhaps this lyric is my Siren call, back to a time where life was not more simple (in fact, quite the opposite), but to a time when the manual and physical arose with the sun. A time when I didn't get my skin color by the light of my computer at midnight, but instead chose a career whose lyric was not "hey you, would you email me the specs for our new WYP4P/POD TOCas that is due tomorrow..."

Of course, it is more likely that I have ignored the obvious allusion to Sisyphus, but who's counting...

shanti,
mjh

"now that I know that I'm breaking to pieces, I'll pull out my heart and I'll feed it to anyone..."--"Disintegration", the Cure.

how old am i?

I'm back at home, back at work, and generally back to normal. However, when did 2 days of traveling = 2 days of recovery? Guess I am just getting old...

shanti,
mjh

Dear second day of my trip:

Dear hotel check-out guy:

Thanks for complimenting my oh-so-professional looking briefcase. Now you know that it is actually my wife’s, and so does my meeting organizer (that guy I need to impress), since he was sitting right behind me when I told you. Quite a way to make an impression...

Dear waitress at the Nook:

Yes, I was talking to myself throughout breakfast. Well, actually I was talking to an invisible group of people, all who would be real audience members about three hours later. Thanks for filling my coffee without a smirk. And if you are interested in my P4P/POD project, let me know, and I’ll hook you up.

Dear meeting participants:

Truly, it was great. Thanks for the nods of agreement, laughter, and looks of “aha” at the correct moments. Totally worth travelling for, being nervous about, and spending way too much personal time on. It was nice to meet you all, and I sincerely hope that our ideas/presentation leads to a more realized, cross-departmental, cross-platform partnership, not only with each other but with “them”.

Dear newly-opened curry restaurant:

Great idea, great food, great location.

Dear August, Sophia, and Aurora:

Thanks for being my stand-in kids for an hour or so. Double thanks to 11-month-old August, who finally let me hold him. You and Lily should totally meet. I think you would have lots to talk about: “dra-gon”, “bir-die”, “dra-gon” “quack, quack.” Y’all would totally hit it off. Aurora: you are a princess. Sophia, I actually think black olives are yucky, too; I just forgot to tell your dad.

Dear Brad Paisley:

Thank you for recording “Whisky Lullaby.” It is 10:30 at night, I am somewhere in between Charlotte and Nashville, I have only slept 3 hours in the last two days, and, for some sappy reason, I am very happy that this song decided to shuffle itself on deck.

Dear Rob Zombie:

You and Brad should totally go on tour. Under normal circumstances, I would not have paired the mellow-country-reclination with the (un)dead-assaultive-aggrerock, but tonight it totally works.

Dear Matt:

Look: you’re tired, your brain is on a downward spike, and you were about to suggest that Gordon Lightfoot join the "Paisley Zombie" tour (imagine the cool blacklight posters!). Just sit back, let Gordon take you on the final voyage of the Edmund Fitzgerald, and leave these poor readers alone. Looks like the Dead are on deck next; it might be a good night, afterall…

shanti,

mjh

Dear first day of my trip:

Dear lady who sat next to me on my first flight:
I am sincerely glad that fate brought us together. Though we never even exchanged names, I enjoyed our conversation. Sorry about your legal troubles, and sorry you missed your flight yesterday because you decided smoking was more important. Be good to your kids and remember how we both acknowledged our blessings.

Dear lady screaming on her phone:
We all know that you are upset that our C’ville flight is delayed. And, yes, everyone knows that this is your third attempt at getting home today. You should know that we are all ignoring you not because we don’t understand or care; we are all ignoring you because you are being a jerk.

Dear flight attendant:
I asked for Ginger Ale and you gave me Diet Coke. I didn’t correct you…not because I am a nice guy, but because I don’t like conflict (read: I have no guts). I would sooner have gone to the airline bathroom and poured the Diet Coke out than point out your mistake. However, I foresee conflict between me and the tiny airline bathroom, too.

Dear US Airways:
It was quite rude of you to begin boarding the late flight to C’ville while those of us booked on the delayed early flight were only one gate away..waiting on our “mechanical problems” to be solved. I don’t expect you to punish the late folks, and I don’t expect you to take their seats away and give them to us (as some were suggesting), but use some common sense people. I don’t need to hear that my just-arrived-at-their-gate brothers and sisters are boarding their plane to C’ville, while those of us who have been waiting over two hours are told to just sit tight and are expected to ignore what is going on. Let’s not push me and see where my conflict threshold is today. Let’s just get Matt to C’ville.

Dear Manchu Wok:
Does the fact that the lady in front of me ordered in Chinese worry you? I mean, the food is fine to my doesn’t-know-Chinese-food palate…but she’s the real deal.

Dear business man:
Yes, I saw you walk into the ladies restroom. Enough said.

Dear cab driver:
Wow, that was fast. Thanks for getting me to my hotel in once piece and for not trying to talk to me too much. It’s been a long day, and I actually liked the silence.

Dear drunk people:
Come on, it’s 3 a.m. I can’t sleep, not because of your loud screaming but because I have my own sleeping issues tonight. However, your cackling is definitely not helping (and I’m sure whatever just happened cannot possibly be that funny).

Dear blog:
Tomorrow (well...today) is a big day. I'll talk to you then.

shanti,
mjh

leaving on a jet plane

I am going on my first official business trip tomorrow, and I am going back to C'ville for the first time since we left 9 months ago. Yippee!

That's it; gotta prepare/pack.

shanti,
mjh

WHY?

why, oh why, am i watching the season premiere of the new Real World? oh yah, because I am taping Top Chef. obviously, i am not striving to make myself a better person today. Maybe tomorrow.

shanti,
mjh

my friends and their hundreds

Many of my friends have posted their 100 things, either on my blog or on their own. I find these utterly fascinating and am speaking to some of my personal highlights:

Melissa:
18. i'm jealous of siblings
--I think of this statement often when considering whether to have another child or not.
27. i love fireworks more than anything in the world
--this, I did not know. I have always wanted to look down on them from a plane. We should do this sometime.
54. i still sing puppet songs in my head
--it's a disease, and we all have it.
65. i like to get into a good stare
--This is brilliant
81. i have a story for every thing and every situation
--and it makes you a great friend.


Don:
9) I have played on the same stages as The Ramones, Motorhead, GWAR and many other famous musicians.
--and Kevn Kinney! One of the best nights ever.
14) I’ve been w/ the same woman (the love of my life) for over 10 years.
--and I miss you both terribly...
23) Saw Matt cheat at LIFE once.
--unfortunately, that is true. I don't think I even won.
25) I can name a heavy metal band for every letter in the alphabet.
--you ever written this down? I would love to see it.
87) I love long conversations with friends about music, religion and politics.
--nothing like discussing life, love, and the meaning of the universe at the Huddle House right after a killer Poison show.

Wallace:
10. I’m still impressed/touched that so many of my old high school friends came down for my wedding.
--that was a really great weekend.
47. I would go back and re-do high school. Mainly because I would do a lot of things differently…
--I'd be intrigued to see the "other" high-school Wallace. I think you did pretty well the first time around.
49. My hair has never been as long as it is right now… I can’t decide if I want to cut it or just let it go really long.
--let it grow. I miss the long-hair Wallace I knew in middle school.
65. I desire to really read… but I rarely have/make the time to.
--You, me, and Melissa should try one of those virtual book clubs. Maybe peer pressure would help us make time.
67. I’ve kept fish ever since I worked in the pet department of Wal-mart when I was in high school.
--I miss being able to go to the Mart and hang out with you.

Jaime:
5. I will always have a special place in my heart for Edwin McCain, even though his career makes me sad.
--We will always have our goofy picture by the car
12. I love looking back on my life and wondering whether God was using some of it to make other parts make more sense.
--I like this exercise
29. It freaks me out when I agree with Rick and Bubba.
--Me, too, but I listen to them every morning...
35. I used to make up dreams when I was falling asleep.
--I had forgotten this; I love this about you.
59. I never really wonder whether I'll be a good mom.
--There is no wondering; you will be a wonderful mother.

Alison
75. People don't forget me...
--absolutely true
...I choose to believe it is because of the hair, but I'm probably fooling myself.
--and it's not the hair
84. In high school I was on the flag corp.
--I really miss those days. "Dippity do" anyone?
90. I am going to be a rocker in heaven and I'm going to be good.
--I'll be in the front row, but I want to be on the comp list; I don't know if I'll have much $$ up there.
93. I played Volleyball in Middle School. I was not good at it.
--weren't you the statistician? :o)
99. My favorite show is Amazing Race. I wish Garet and I could be on there!
--ok, you/Garet, Wallace/Dee, and Minal/I need to sign up. We could have a secret alliance...up until the final three, of course.

shanti,
mjh

death song

my best friend J emailed me this weekend with this question: "Have you ever thought of songs that you'd like to hear while you're dying?" Morbid, yes, but we all have these friendships, right? Where the morbid and extreme live right next to the boring and mundane. Anyhow, i have been thinking about for the past day or so.

My immediate thought was "The Same Deep Water As You" by the Cure. Of course because I love the Cure but also because this song has an amazing drifting away quality about it. Unless I am drowning, though, I don't know if this would be it.

My second thought was to rock out; perhaps "Happiness in Slavery" by NIN or "More Human than Human" by White Zombie. Why not face death with fury, listening to "Detharmonic" by Dethklok?

Not sure this is the way to go, either. Perhaps "Let Him Fly" by Patty Griffin. Actually, there are many Patty songs that could make the list.

J chose "Hallelujah" (J Buckley's version), which is actually a great choice. Might be my pick if it wasn't already taken. Though I am not sure I want to spend my last moment still trying to figure the lyrics out.

After all of the thought, I am going to have to go with a classic. If any of you are around and have access to my ipod, hook me up with "Silent Lucidity" by Queensryche. An oldie but a goodie.

shanti,
mjh

p.s.--"Hallelujah", "Silent Lucidity", "More Human than Human", "Detharmonic", and "Let Him Fly" are on my playlist (see music player at the bottom of the page), if you want to check 'em out.

Thanks for the memories and the unknown

Just want to say a big thank you to Melissa and Don for posting their 100+ things about themselves: see them here. And to Wallace for not only posting his but also commenting on those already posted. Y'all are awesome and have made me smile all day. If anyone else wants to contribute, it really is a great exercise. I am trying to find a way to comment back on some of those little tidbits listed and will probably do so in a future post.

Until then, thanks for stopping by and playing along.

shanti,
mjh

Project Runway

Why oh why are you leaving Bravo, Project Runway? All this drama. Don't worry, I will follow you to Lifetime (it's a love affair I can't walk away from), but I will miss our Wednesday-night Bravo date.

shanti,
mjh

hi, blog

I feel like I need to say hello to my blog and apologize for the silence. Sorry Subsided...been busy. Hope you understand.

shanti,
mjh

counting my blessings...

I realize going into this post that I am treading dangerous ground. I miss my friends a lot, and I have been thinking lately about why. Obviously, the connection, be it deep and soul-touching or casual and social, is what begins/sustains any relationship. However, I have been discovering pieces of folks that I truly wish were still a part of my puzzle. Call it a realization and longing for "characteristics" over "character". So why boil an entire human being down to a few words? I admit it is unfair and a gross undervaluation of you all, but it would be impossible to focus otherwise. I truly miss the physical touch, sight, sound, and presence of so many people, but what I intend to do is define the most vivid piece of each person that is missing from my life. First, I have not pre-thought this out (it is a blog, you know), so if you are reading this and are not on the list, it simply means that I have not pre-thought this out, not that you mean zilch to me. I apologize in advance for the many people I will inadvertently leave out (and to the many females whose maiden names will be used). Second, if you don't like what is listed, sorry; I also miss that about you.

I miss (of course, in no particular order):
Wallace J's wisdom
Alison C's whole-heartedness
Melissa C's aura of empathy, humility, and craziness
Dacia F's wonderfully carefree whimsy
Jamie G's love for my friends
Carla S's intense sense of humor
Amy H's watchful inner eye
Amy R's steadfastness
Jamie W's ability to be positive and uplifting with witty, sarcastic realism
Rob R's mature ability to belong and not belong concurrently
Ed B's soft-spoken, wise understanding
Rob B's wit ("hot apple thighs"; still makes me laugh)
Jaime C's complete ability to "get" me
Don D's rock-and-roll, life-changing friendship
Lizzie T's beautiful compassion
Susan T's boundless pursuits
Jonathan H's deep, deep soul
Rick Z's always-looked-stoned casualness
Rachel D's passion and grace
Angie O's survival instincts
David B's charisma
Donna C's bubbly love of life and you
Henry C's ability to unite
Sally P's laughter
Tracy G's intensity
Allyson W's never-say-die, drama-filled, beautiful friendship
Brett H's unconditional love
Rachna R's ability to see the truth in things
Supriti P's ability to change the rules
Howard H's hugs and simple complexity
Kate B's gentle confrontations
Katie B's wonderful intenseness
Sima's G's strength
Julie W's inspired/inspiring art
Clay F's smart conversation
Yara A's comfortability
Harry P's "Harry"-ness
Jonathan D's shock value
Lindsey K's constant ambition
Erin H's tenacity
Jeff S's vision
Sharon D's ability to care just enough
Cyndi B's correct valuation of importance
Pam H's honesty
Christine's gentleness
Mike's New-York-style attitude
Vicki M's nervous confidence

*disclaimer* For the most part, I have left family out.

Point is: I miss you, and these are the primary reasons. Maybe tomorrow, I will list the second-most thing I miss about you. :o)

Consider me blessed to have known you all, and I am grateful for the qualities you shared with me.

shanti,
mjh